The Hungry Hunks and Honeys of Hogwarts
by Unidentified Flying Orange
Summary: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Hogwarts has its own Newspaper by the coolest people there! Issue # 1 is out! Draco Malfoy for rent this week and the Weasleys hit the jackpot!


January 11, 2002  
  
The Hungry Hunks and Honeys of Hogwarts Newspaper  
  
The Weasley's strike again!  
  
HOGSMEAD is unusually crowded this week. Why? Because of the new, Weasley Wizard Wheezes joke shop of course! Ever since Gred and Forge Weasley opened the shop, it has set a record of 18,978 galleon sales in the first month! Not even Zonko's has achieved that much, who's sales had reached a small 9,567 compared to the Weasley's!  
  
Nevertheless Zonko's still thinks it is more than a match for the Weasley's and are challenging WWW to reach 50,000 galleon sales, (the amount they earned in a year) in the following month. Can the Weasley's fulfill their destiny's to be the biggest troublemakers ever? Only time will tell, It is the battle of the Titans!  
  
Ronald Weasley  
  
Gryffindor  
  
Draco's secret admirers  
  
DRACO MALFOY the handsome hunk of Slytherin (delete this article Potter and I will kill you!) has reached 476 admirers that is more than 40% of the population of Hogwarts. Draco who is dating Pansy Parkinson now is quite cool about this,  
  
"I really don't care," said Draco Malfoy amused, his silver hair sparkling in the sunlight, his perfect teeth-edited by editor who says 'this one takes for then a page- his galleons jingling in his pockets, "After all, I got Pansy."  
  
Thats all for today, I will update you on Draco's lovers again!  
  
Draco Malfoy  
  
Slytherin  
  
Dear Girls,  
  
Dear Madam Smart,  
  
I am failing my transfiguration! I wanted to transform into a cat like McGonagall but instead I turned into a frog and Neville thinks I'm his toad!  
  
Purple Flower  
  
Dear Purple Flower,  
  
You should pay more attention in class! Everyone knows that you say MOO-tat-EE-oh not Moo-like-TAT-YO! No wonder you're such a ditz!  
  
Madam Smart  
  
Dear Madam Virginia,  
  
I like a really famous guy and I think he likes me too! However, I think my boyfriend's death drove him away! Moreover, hes younger than me!  
  
Choca Chola  
  
Dear Choca Chola,  
  
Do NOT date young boys! Bad bad!  
  
Madam Virginia  
  
Dear Madam Advice and Madam Beautiful  
  
I want to be pretty what do I do?  
  
From lots-of-Bones  
  
Dear (insert-your-name-here)  
  
Come over to our dorm for a makeover!  
  
Madam Addvice and Madam Bootiful  
  
Hey does Cho really like me?  
  
Editor  
  
Shutup Harry, you just made Ginny cry!  
  
Madam Smart  
  
Underwear 70% off at Gladrags Wizardwear!  
  
Com cwic befour it al sells out! I'm gonna by a neeoo bra!  
  
Parviti Patil  
  
Gryffindor  
  
Classified  
  
______________________  
  
In memoriam__________  
  
Cedric Diggory May 23rd:  
  
God bless your Soul__  
  
Bertha Jorkins August 15th  
  
We miss her in the office  
  
______________________  
  
For rent_______________  
  
Car blue olds mobile.  
  
Wrecked but in order.  
  
Call Arthur Weasley for  
  
Details  
  
OWL# 1396________  
  
Malfoy tall, handsome silver  
  
Haired Slytherin  
  
Contact Draco Malfoy at  
  
OWL# 54739  
  
______________________  
  
Employment___________  
  
Teacher needed at Hogwar-  
  
ts school of Witchcraft and  
  
Wizardry.  
  
Contact Albus Dumbledore  
  
For details  
  
OWL# 13  
  
Letters to the editor  
  
To the Editor,  
  
Could I help with your newspaper?  
  
Frog-boy  
  
Dear Frog-boy,  
  
Sorry read the title. Only Hunks and Honeys.  
  
Love the editor  
  
To the editor  
  
I would like to complain about your story on Rita Skeeter. She is a favorite of mine and alerted me about the problem you were having. I hope Ms. Granger liked my letter. Rita Skeeter is the most talented person I have ever met and I think she should be running a newspaper. You kids need supervising writing a newspaper ask a professional like Rita to help you!  
  
Stint Romanin  
  
Dear Stint Roman,  
  
You must be crazy!  
  
Ronald Weasley (who is covering for Harry who fell over in shock after reading your letter)  
  
SINCE OUR EDITOR HAS FAINTED, WE WILL NOW FINISH THIS ISSUE, HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERYONE!  
  
FROM THE HUNKS AND HONEYS NEWSPAPER STAFF 


End file.
